When Wayne Rooney starts spitting, isn't it time to turn the Bar B Que down?

The amazingly over the top story of the week concerning the BBC's Jonathon Ross and Russell Brand's stupid antics has hopefully come to an end. Brand has resigned, and Ross has been suspended for 3 months. A predictable response from the BBC, concerned about all the complaints from Middle England wifeswappers.

Ross, of course, has trouble pronouncing the letter 'r', so probably had severe difficulty saying that he was looking forward to a "really restful and relaxing Christmas, having been rewarded for ragging a ripe old actor with a reprehensible riotous prank."

Halloween tonight, and I'm looking forward to receiving all the trick'n'treaters at my door.

I understand that, as long as they're over 10 years of age, it's now perfectly legal to punch them and direct them to the local paedophile.

Or did I dream that? Never mind, I'll take my chances.

The Met Office say that the cause of severe flooding in Devon is due to a 'freak hailstorm'.

Now I'm not the most PC sort of bloke, but if I was the hailstorm in question I would be writing to my MP complaining that, just because I was responsible for causing inconvenience to a couple of West Country villages, there's no reason to label me a freak.

Hailstorms have feelings too, you know.

I wasn't too worried about XL going bust a few weeks ago, but I'm slightly worried that if XXL collapse I'll have nowhere to buy my clothes.

A Church of England priest has been ordered to remove comments about gay people from his blog, remarks described by his diocese as "highly offensive". The Rev Peter Mullen suggested in his internet blog that homosexuals should have their backsides tattooed with the slogan: "Sodomy can seriously damage your health".

David Allison, from the gay pressure group Outrage, said "It's the kind of remark you might expect from a drunk on a Saturday night, not someone in a supposedly responsible position!"

I too am indignant!

As a regular Saturday night drunk I am fed up with being persecuted. Police, hospital staff, bouncers, barman, wives and girlfriends all consistently victimize us. And now we have someone who claims to represent a minority group launching a completely unprovoked attack, comparing us to some mixed up godbotherer.

It is indeed an outrage.